Written by Philip John Taylor
Directed by Peter Diamond

First US Airdate: 11 May 1990 Episode 1.23

[A clock ticks as it sits atop the safe in Ramón's office.  Ramón sits at his desk, nervously bouncing his fist on his lips.  The bouncing fist keep getting faster until. . .}

Ramón
MENDOZA!

Mendoza [off camera]
Yes, Alcalde!

[Mendoza comes running into the office.  Ramón stands up and walks around to the front of the desk.  He picks up some clothing that sits on his desk.]

Ramón [tossing the clothes to Mendoza]
Press this suit immediately.

Mendoza
Si, mi Alcalde.

[Ramón reaches down.]

Ramón
I want you to shine these boots so I can see my face in them.

[He hands the boots to Mendoza.  Then he turns and picks something else off the desk.]

Ramón
Mend the tear in these gloves.

[He shoves the gloves at Mendoza.  He turns again to the desk and picks up a top hat.]

Ramón [putting the hat on the pile of clothing Mendoza is holding]
Ah, re-block this hat.

[Ramón turns to the desk yet again and grabs a white shirt.]

Ramón
And starch this shirt within an inch of its life.

[He adds the shirt to the pile in Mendoza's arms.]

Ramón
And I want them all back by a quarter of noon.

Mendoza
I will try, mi Alcalde.

Ramón
I have a very important engagement this afternoon.

Mendoza [looking anything but]
I am thrilled beyond words.

Ramón [reading from a piece of paper he holds in his hand]
An invitation from Diego de la Vega.  ‘A surprise birthday celebration in honor of my father, Don Alejandro, at noon on Saturday in the tavern.  Please tell no one.  Don Diego de la Vega.'

Mendoza [laughing]
But, Alcalde, you just told me.

Ramón
You don't count, Mendoza.

[Mendoza's expression changes from laughter to insult.]

Ramón
Finally, the nobility of Los Angeles have accepted me into their circle.  Oh, not that such trivial matters concern me, of course.  I'm sure it will a splendid affair, just myself and a few other distinguished members of this community.

[Mendoza lets the clothing in his arms fall to the floor.  He pulls out an envelope from his back pocket.]

Mendoza [as Ramón stares down at the dropped clothing]
Yes, I am quite looking forward to it myself, Alcalde.

[He shows Ramón his invitation.  Ramón rolls his eyes in exasperation.]

[Exterior shot of the de la Vega hacienda.]

[Don Alejandro walks to the front door, his jack half put on.  Then he turns away from the door and walks toward the library.]

Don Alejandro [as he finishes putting on his jacket]
Hurry, Diego.  The note said to be there at noon precisely.

[Diego and Felipe are in the library, playing chess.]

Diego [looking up from the game]
That certainly sounds the Alcalde, although I don't believe he's actually arranged a surprise birthday party for Mendoza.

Don Alejandro
Well, maybe he's had a change of heart.

Diego [looking over the chess board]
Anything would be a change for the better.

[Felipe moves one of his pieces then looks up expectantly at Diego.]

Diego
Checkmate!  I don't believe it. [He points at Felipe.] He's done it again.

Don Alejandro [chuckling]
Let's go.

[Diego get up out of his chair as Don Alejandro leaves the library.]

Diego [to Felipe]
We'll be back before dark.

[Diego goes to follow Don Alejandro.  Felipe follows behind Diego until he reaches the foyer where he stops and watches Diego and Don Alejandro leave.  Then he darts off in the opposite direction.  A present sits on a table in the foyer.]

[Exterior shot of the tavern porch as Ramón walks up on to it.  He is carrying a present under his left arm.  He looks over to see the de la Vega carriage drive around the corner of the church.  Ramón turns around.]

Ramón [waving his arm]
Hurry, Mendoza! [He points at the carriage.] They're here!

[Mendoza comes onto the porch then, also carrying a present and smiling.  Ramón drags him inside the tavern.]

[The de la Vega carriage comes to a halt in front of the tavern.]

Don Alejandro [as he and Diego climb out of the carriage]
We're late.  I just saw Mendoza and the Alcalde go in.

Diego
What a shame.

[Don Alejandro opens the tavern's front door which bear a sign ‘Closed for Private Party' and enters.  Diego follows behind him and shuts the door once he is through it.]

[Don Alejandro and Diego walk into the empty tavern, looking around.  They look down at a pile of presents in the middle of the room, then at each other.  Above them, the chandelier descends, obviously striking them both on their heads, causing them to fall to the floor with a thud.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Full exterior shot of the tavern as people walk past it.  (The ‘Closed' sign is not on the door in this shot!)]

[Diego struggles as he wakes up bound and gagged with his arms tied up above his head.  Mendoza, Ramón, a still unconscious and ungagged Don Alejandro whose arms are being tied above his head by a man, and Victoria are sitting on the floor up against the wall in the tavern's kitchen.  Don Alejandro starts to regain consciousness.]

Don Alejandro
H. . . How. . .

Ricardo [crouching down and thrusting a knife at Don Alejandro's chin]
How typical of the de la Vegas.  Always trying to have the last word.

[He flicks the knife away from Don Alejandro and stands up then walks across the room.  Diego sticks out his feet as Ricardo passes, tripping him.  Ricardo turns and glares at Diego.]

Ricardo
Your life hangs by a thread, Señor.  A very thin thread.  No more heroics.

[Diego stares up at Ricardo calculatingly.]

Ricardo
Ah-ha, you remember.  Yes, it's me.  Ricardo Quintana.

[He putting his knife inside his vest, he walks over to a table and starts tearing a cloth in half as he talks.]

Ricardo
Eight months I rotted in that pig sty of a prison in Monterey.  Eight months without one single day of hope.  And they never let me see Myatana. {He smiles fondly.] You remember her, huh?  So beautiful.  So proud.

[For some reason, Ramón's eyes bulge out at Ricardo's words about Myatana.]

Ricardo
She died last month.  You see, she had no notion what prison can do to the human spirit.

Don Alejandro
She was a fraud and a thief, just like you, Quintana.  She helped you cheat the people of this pueblo out of thousands of pesos. [He bows his head a little.] I'm sorry she's dead, but your sentences were just. . .

[Ricardo kneels down and gag Don Alejandro with the torn cloth.  Diego struggles to get free.  Ricardo stands back up and faces them all again.]

Ricardo
Every nigh after she died, every night, I lay in my cell, planning my escape, dreaming of my revenge.  And now that precious moment has arrived.

[Ricardo walks across the room.]

Ricardo [as he bends over to pick up a keg]
You five upright citizens were all, in some way, responsible for our capture.

[He pours a line of gunpowder on the floor from the keg.]

Ricardo [pouring as he talks]
I'm not forgetting Zorro.  Oh, no.  Rest assured, sooner or later I will find him and he too will die.

[Diego stares up at Ricardo again oddly.  Ricardo picks up a wooden spoon and goes to the fireplace.  He sticks the spoon into the fire and its end erupts in flames.]

Ricardo [holding the flaming spoon]
You have fifty minutes.  I could make the fuse shorter but I want you to suffer, as Myatana suffered.  Knowing there is no possibility of escape, knowing that all your hopes, everything you wanted from life will never happen now.  Never.

[Mendoza grunts and struggles against his ropes at Ricardo's words.]

Ricardo
I want you to die thinking of Ricardo Quintana.

[He pounds his chest before bending down and lighting the end of the gunpowder trail opposite the keg.  The gunpowder flares up and starts burning toward the keg.]

Ricardo
Adios

[He backs out of the kitchen then turns and runs to the front door and locking it.  He then runs across the room, saluting at the kitchen as he runs past it before running up the stairs.]

[Inside the kitchen, Ramón leans his head back and closes his eyes as the camera zooms up on his face.]

[Ramón's Fantasy:

Don Alejandro [as piano music is played in the background] We rejoice at your promotion to commander of the garrison at Monterey.

[Don Alejandro lifts his glass.  Ramón is standing in the de la Vega library, holding a glass of champagne?, wearing a monocle on his left eye and a smug expression on his face.]

Don Alejandro
And yet, when you leave, ah, Los Angeles will be the poorer and our hearts the heavier.

[Diego, Victoria, and Mendoza all nods their heads and murmur their agreement.  Diego starts crying and dabs at his eyes with a lace-trimmed handkerchief.]

Don Alejandro [lifting his glass again]
Luis Ramón, vaya con Dios.

[Everyone lifts their glass at Don Alejandro's toast.]

Ramón
Thank you, my friends.

[Victoria walks up to Ramón.]

Ramón [removing his monocle]
Ah, Señorita.  Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Victoria
You have such a way with words, Luis Ramón.

Ramón
Yes, this will be a rather cheerless place after I am gone.

[Victoria bursts into tears and turns away.  She goes back over to stand between Diego and Mendoza.  Ramón stares at her in confusion.  Diego nervously walks up and stands beside an object covered with a red cloth.]

Diego [in a timid voice]
Ladies and gentlemen?  May I have your attention?

[Everyone ignores him and keeps talking.  The piano music keeps playing.  Victoria stands by Mendoza looking lost and confused.  Diego seems fretful no one is paying attention to him.  Ramón sees Diego's dilemma and snaps his fingers.  Immediately, everyone stops talking, the music stops playing and everyone turns their attention to Ramón.]

Diego
Thank you, Alcalde.

[Everyone then turns their attention to Diego.]

Diego [to Ramón]
Your leadership of this community will be sorely missed.  And so we would like you to accept this small token of our highest esteem.

[Diego removes the red cloth, revealing a painting of the Mona Lisa underneath.  People clap, oohing and aahing.  Ramón leans in closer to the painting, holding his monocle back up to his left eye.]

[He moves back away from the painting, lowering the monocle, but still inspecting it.  Mendoza sidles up behind him.]

Ramón [talking over his shoulder to Mendoza]
Magnificent.  But a copy, naturally.

Diego [with a shocked expression]
Oh, no, of course.  Nothing is too good for our alcalde.

Ramón [turning to face the other people]
My friends, I will cherish this always. [He leans back to Mendoza and talks out of the side of his mouth.]  I wonder how much I can get for it.

Mendoza [looking at the painting appraisingly]
Ah, I shouldn't think more than a hundred pesos.  It looks awfully small and it doesn't look like it's in very good condition.

[Suddenly, Zorro burst through a pair of draperies behind Ramón and Mendoza.]

Zorro
So, Alcalde.

[Everyone gasps.  Ramón and Mendoza turn around to face Zorro.  Diego darts away from the painting and goes over to stand behind Victoria, who turns around and looks at him in disgust.]

Zorro [stepping into the library]
I've come to say farewell to my most distinguished adversary.

Ramón
I have not yet left, Zorro.  There is still time to see you hang.

Zorro [wagging his finger]
Ah, such hostility.

Ramón [in a bored tone]
Mendoza, arrest him.

[Mendoza looks nervously at Zorro.]

Zorro [unsheathing his sword]
Relax, Mendoza.

[Mendoza looks back at Ramón.]

Zorro [evidently spotting the painting]
Ah, superb.  Of course you realized that da Vinci never really finished this creation.  He always intended it to wear a . . .

[He slashes a ‘Z' into the painting with his sword.  Everyone gasps in shock.  Ramón leans over to inspect the damage then glares at Zorro.]

Victoria [gasping]
And to think I once loved you.  You are probably hideously ugly underneath that mask; with pimples and warts and boils. [She pretends to gag.] Ack! Ooh1

[She shudders with a disgust look on her face.  Ramón reaches behind the painting and picks up a white cloth.   Then her expression changes as she crossed her arms over her waist.]

Victoria
Well, I'm sorry, my heart now belongs to another.

[She looks over at Ramón who looks over smugly at Zorro.]

End of Ramón's Fantasy.]

[Ramón wakes up as he is bumped by the cabinet he is sitting next to.  Don Alejandro is on its other side, trying to push it over.  Ramón scoots up closer to the cabinet, then winks across the room at Victoria.  She stops struggling to stare at him like he has lost his mind.  Ramón and Don Alejandro both push on the cabinet with their shoulders.  It falls forward, landing just short of the burning fuse as it is not tall enough to snuff it out.]

[At the de la Vega hacienda, Felipe walks toward the library but spots the present still sitting on the table.  He picks it up then looks up at a clock which shows the time as twelve-fifteen.  He carries the present toward the front door.]

[Inside the tavern kitchen, the fuse still burns across the floor as Diego, Mendoza, and Victoria stare at it helplessly.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Felipe pounds on the front door of the tavern several times.  Receiving no response, he goes over to look through a window and obviously does not see a party going on inside.  He turns away from the window and rests his back up against the tavern wall, looking worried.  He glances down at the present he is holding, then runs off.]

[Inside the kitchen, the fuse burns past Mendoza, who leans back and closes his eyes.]

Ricardo's voice [echoing through Mendoza's head]
All your hopes, all your dreams, will never happen, will never happen, will never happen.  You're going to die. . .

[Mendoza's Fantasy:

[Two red-coated soldiers carry Ramón out of the tavern.]

Ramón [struggling]
You haven't heard the last of me!

[Don Alejandro, Diego, and Victoria stand in front of a beautifully decorated table.]

Victoria [to Ramón's back]
Oh, but I hope that we have. [She turns to Diego and Don Alejandro.] Well, I must return to the kitchen.  Our new alcalde will be here soon and I have a feast to be cooked.

[She starts to go but stops as Diego points to the staircase.]

Diego
Ah, there he is.

[Mendoza walks down the stairs, magnificently attired; holding a cigar and being followed by Corporal Gomez.  Mendoza smiles as he reaches the bottom of the stairs.  He walks over and stands between Diego and Victoria.]

Don Alejandro
It's most gracious of you to invite us to you inaugural banquet, Alcalde.

Diego
We are truly honored.

Victoria [from behind Mendoza]
The feast is almost ready, Alcalde.

Mendoza [turning to Victoria]
Then don't let me keep you, my dear Victoria.

[She smiles and curtsies before going to the kitchen.  Mendoza turns around and puts his cigar into his mouth.]

Mendoza
Gomez.

Gomez
Si, Alcalde?

[Mendoza indicates with his hand the unlit cigar.]

Gomez
Oh, forgive me, Alcalde.

[Gomez scurries off to find something to light the cigar with.  Mendoza turns again and four hands holding candles appear before him.  He lights his cigar off the nearest one.  He takes the cigar out of his mouth and nods to the person (off camera) who held the candle he used.  Gomez runs over with a stick with a glowing end.]

Mendoza
Ah, cha, cha, cha, cha.  Gomez, you would be late. . .for your own funeral.  Punctuality is everything in the military.

Gomez [shrugging one shoulder]
Yes, Alcalde.  I am sorry.

Mendoza
Twenty times around the plaza.

Gomez
But Alcalde, the banquet. . .

Mendoza [stomping his foot]
Immediatamente!

[Gomez scurries out of the tavern.  Don Alejandro elbows Diego.]

Don Alejandro [proudly]
We have the right man for the job.

Victoria [coming from the kitchen]
Alcalde, dinner is served.

Mendoza
My friends.  Please, be seated.

[The men hold out chairs for the ladies.  Don Alejandro hold out a chair at the head of the table for Mendoza, who sits down.  Don Alejandro sits down at Mendoza's immediate left.]

Don Alejandro [reaching for his wine glass]
Citizens of Los Angeles, to our new alcalde.  Long may he govern.

[Don Alejandro raises his eyebrow as he watches Mendoza drop his cigar butt into the glass he has lifted in a toast.]

Mendoza
My friends, please, eat.

[Mendoza lifts the silver lid off the dish in front of him, revealing a mound of something brown.  Mendoza takes a deep breath.  Don Alejandro lifts the lid off the dish in front of him, then Diego follows suit.]

Diego [adoringly]
Beans.  How splendid.

Mendoza [boastfully]
Imported.

Don Alejandro
Ah, Alcalde, you really know how to entertain.

Voice
That's right.

Zorro [sitting up on the balcony railing]
Alcalde.

Several Voices
Zorro.

Zorro
An inaugural feast and you chose not to invite me?

Victoria
Oh, Zorro, we were having such a good time and you come and spoiled everything.

Voice
Yeah.

Zorro
Very well, if that's your attitude.  But know this, Mendoza, you'd better be an improvement over that last fiend who called himself alcalde or you and I shall be enemies.

Diego [rising up from his chair]
Alcalde Mendoza is a noble and honest man.

Voice
Yeah!

Diego
In fact, you can retire that mask, Zorro.

Don Alejandro and several other voices
Here!  Here!

Diego
We won't be needing the likes of you anymore.

Zorro
This is the thanks I receive?

[Zorro jumps off the balcony and grabs onto the chandelier.  He swings across the room and over the top of the banquet table.  He lands next to Diego then hits him on the head.  Diego cover his head with his hands and crumples to the floor amid gasps of outrage.  Victoria rushes over and bends over Diego.]

Victoria
Are you all right, Don Diego?

[Mendoza, Don Alejandro and the other men stand up.  The other men, including Don Alejandro, move out of the way.  Mendoza unsheathes his sword.]

Mendoza
It's about time someone taught you some manner, Señor Zorro.

[Mendoza and Zorro face each other at opposite ends of the table.  Zorro swipes his saber at a candle in the candelabra in front of him, slicing it in half.  Mendoza slashes at a candle in the candelabra in front of him, but seemingly misses.  Zorro inclines his head.  Mendoza goes over and picks up the top of the candle which he had sliced through without disturbing it then tosses it aside.  Zorro moves to side of the table as Mendoza jumps up on it.  Mendoza makes his way across the table, driving Zorro back until he is up against a wall.  Mendoza jumps off the table then and points his sword at Zorro.]

Zorro
No, Alcalde, please.  I meant no harm.  I'll go quietly.

Mendoza
Fight like a man!

[Zorro shakes his head.]

Mendoza
Tut, tut.  Have you forgotten everything I taught you?

Zorro
Oh, please, Alcalde, spare me.  Spare me.

[Don Alejandro and the others clap and call out ‘bravo!' as Mendoza looks at them smugly.

End of Mendoza's Fantasy]

Mendoza [as he starts to wake up, through his gag]
Spare me.  Spare me!

[He wakes up fully and struggles against his ropes.  The others look worriedly at the fuse then each other.  Don Alejandro grunts as he tries to free himself.  The fuse burns closer to the powder keg as Victoria starts to drift off.]

[Victoria's Fantasy:

[The front door of the tavern flies open to reveal Zorro sitting astride Toronado.  Zorro ducks as he rides the horse through the doorway.  He dismounts in front of the kitchen entrance.]

[He enters the kitchen through the curtains and looks around.  Diego watches as Zorro steps on the burning fuse, grinding it out with his boot.  Zorro looks over at Victoria and smiles.  Victoria, no longer gagged, looks back at him adoringly.  Zorro cuts her ropes with his sword then turns and leaves the kitchen.  Victoria throws off her ropes and gets up to go after him.]

[Zorro remounts Toronado and rides the horse back out the front doors.  Victoria emerges from the kitchen, wearing a blue dress and earrings, and runs after him.]

[Victoria goes outside onto the porch and sees Zorro riding out of town.  She looks disappointed.  Then suddenly, Zorro turns Toronado around and comes back to the tavern.  He brings Toronado to a halt.  Victoria smiles happily.  Zorro stares at her for a few seconds then lifts her up onto his lap.  They then ride out of town as the church bell rings.]

[Zorro and Victoria have stopped somewhere.  She is still sitting on his lap atop Toronado.]

Victoria
You came back for me.

[Zorro nods.]

Victoria
We've said all there is to say a hundred times with our eyes. [She puts a finger to her lips then takes it away.]  No more words, Zorro.

Zorro
No, no more words.

[They kiss (but we can't see it because Victoria's head is in the way!)]

End of Victoria's Fantasy]

[Victoria wakes up and starts struggling then looks worriedly at the fuse as do Mendoza and Don Alejandro.  Diego is looking over at a table and see a cork sitting on it.  He looks up and see an opened bottle of wine.  Then he looks at the fuse.  He starts to stretch his legs toward the table nearest to him and hooks his toes around the table leg, moving the table closer to where he sits.  Then he draws back his legs and thrusts them powerfully at the table leg.  The first table shoves into the second table, knocking over the bottle of wine.  The wine pours out onto the burning fuse just mere inches from the powder keg and puts it out.  Don Alejandro nods his head and laughs through his gag.  Victoria smiles and giggles.]

[At the tavern's front door, Felipe motions at two men to come closer.  He then pushes the doors with his shoulder.  Felipe steps back as the two men push hard against the doors and they come open.  All three of them rush into the tavern.]

[Felipe goes over to Diego and starts untying his gag.]

Diego [after the gag is removed]
Well done, Felipe!

Ramón [after his gag is removed by one of the men]
Well done?  The boy was five minutes too late!  Bah!

Mendoza [as the other man unties his hands]
The Alcalde is right.  If it wasn't for Don Diego, we would all be meeting our maker.

Victoria
You were magnificent, Don Diego!

[Diego pauses as he was reaching down to untie his feet and stares over at Victoria, obviously pleased by her words.]

Don Alejandro [after he is ungagged]
Yes, my son, magnificent.  Even Zorro couldn't have done it better.

[Diego is also obviously please to hear Don Alejandro's praise.  He reaches down to untie his feet, smiling happily.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Exterior shot of the tavern at night.]

Victoria [off camera]
I don't mind telling you,

[Victoria, Don Alejandro, and Mendoza all sit at a table, with a pitcher and cups in front of them.  Ramón stands behind them, his foot up on a bench as he listens to their conservation as he drinks.]

Victoria
I've never been so terrified in all my life.

Mendoza
Oh, so was I, Señorita.

Don Alejandro
I really thought we were going to be fried to a crisp.

Mendoza [turning around and looking at Ramón]
Were you scared, mi Alcalde?

Ramón
A coward dies a thousand times, the valiant taste of death but once.

Victoria [rolling her eyes]
You do have a way with words, Alcalde.

Don Alejandro
Yes, especially someone else's.

[He takes a drink as Mendoza chuckles.]

Diego [walking up to their table with Felipe, who is carrying the present]
Ricardo Quintana has returned.

[Everyone looks at Diego.]

Diego [to Ramón]
One of your men found him in your office, Alcalde, tied up neatly.  Courtesy of Zorro, it seems.

Ramón
Zorro? [He sets down his drink.] Maybe he's still in town.

[Ramón rushes out of the tavern.  Diego watches him leave then turns back to the others.]

Diego
Apparently the Alcalde's brush with death hasn't changed his views on life.  Still after Zorro.

[Don Alejandro and Mendoza chuckle.]

Victoria
You know, I wonder why Zorro didn't come to our rescue?

Diego
Well, he can't be everywhere, I suppose.  Here, Sergeant. [He leads Felipe forward and Felipe holds out the present.] From Felipe, myself, and my father.

[Felipe puts the present down in front of Mendoza, who gets to his feet.]

Mendoza
Well, thank you all very much.  But Don Diego, it's not really my birthday.

Diego
I know, it was all part of Ricardo's scheme.  But take it anyway.

Mendoza
Thank you.  I don't know what to say.

Victoria
Open it!

[Mendoza pulls off the ribbon with Victoria's help then he opens the lid of the box.]

Mendoza
Beans! [He laughs as does Don Alejandro, while Victoria looks like she just got a bad headache.] Imported beans!  My favorite.

[Mendoza puts his hand on Felipe's shoulder.  He then holds up the box and grabs out a handful of the beans.]

Mendoza [offering some to Felipe]
You want some?

[Felipe shakes his head and puts up his hands.]

Mendoza [looking over at Diego curiously]
How did you know?

[Diego shrugs his shoulders and smiles.  Mendoza looks at Felipe then at his box of beans and laughs.]

*****END OF EPISODE*****

Transcribed by Pamela Elbert Poland 14 July 2006

This transcription is a not-for-profit publication produced solely for the enjoyment of other Zorro fans and is not intended to infringe upon any rights of Goodman/Rosen Productions, New World Television, Zorro Productions, the estate of Johnston McCulley or anyone else.

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