Story by Diane Carter Teleplay by Tim Minear
Directed by Michael Levine

First US Airdate 25 January 1991 Episode 2.18

[A stagecoach rumbles down the road as it is being pursued by a man on horseback.  The man fires a shot at the coach.  He then tosses his pistol on top of the coach then climbs aboard it.  He crawls across the top of the coach, punches the driver then takes the reins.]

[Zorro appears behind the coach, riding Toronado.  The bandit looks over his shoulder as Zorro rides up alongside the coach.  Zorro jumps from Toronado's back and onto the back of one of the four horses pulling the coach.  Zorro stands up on the horse's back then turns around and lunges into the driver's seat.  The bandit goes for his pistol but Zorro punches him in the face.  Toronado runs alongside the coach horses.  Zorro and the bandit punch each other as they walk across the top of the coach.]

[One of the wheels runs over a rock, nearly sending Zorro off the back of the coach.  He sits down in a seat at the rear of the coach top.  The bandit throws a piece of luggage at Zorro, who tries to avoid it and falls off the coach instead.  The driver jumps back into the driver's seat and takes the reins.]

[Zorro is hanging onto the rear of the coach and then starts making his way along the side of the coach to where the bandit is trying to free his leg from the luggage rack.  Zorro punches the bandit in the face, then does it again.  The bandit tries to hit Zorro but Zorro blocks the blow and punches the bandit again.]

[Toronado brings the coach horses to a halt.  The bandit jumps down to the ground and runs away.  He stumbles on some rocks and falls on his face.  Zorro hops down from the coach roof onto Toronado's back and rides over toward to the bandit, who gets up and starts running.  Zorro twirls a rope and throws it over a tree branch.  Its looped end lassoes the bandit.  Zorro moves Toronado backward causing the lasso to slip down the bandit's body and around his ankles.  Zorro keeps backing up until the bandit is hanging upside down by his ankles from the tree branch.]

[Zorro dismounts and goes over to where the flailing bandit is hanging.  Crouching down, Zorro turns the bandit around and pulls down the bandana covering his face.]

Zorro
Lopez, I sent you to jail six months ago.  How did you get out so soon?

Lopez
You'll never get a thing out of me.

Zorro
Then let me put it another way.

[Zorro stands up and starts to spin Lopez around.]

Lopez
No, no, no!  Wait!  Stop!  The Alcalde freed me!

Zorro [stopping the spinning and crouching back down]
Why would he do a thing like that?

Lopez
He told me to attack the San Pedro coach.  His cousin's on board.  He wanted me to scare her off.

[Zorro stands up then leaves.]

Lopez
Wait!

[The coach driver is unscrewing something from one of the coach's front wheels.  The coach door opens and man dressed in a black suit and top hat steps out, followed by a balding, bewhiskered man in a gray suit.  The man in the gray suit leans down to see what the driver is doing.]

Man in the Gray Suit
That wheel won't last another mile.

[The man in the black suit nods.]

[Zorro, leading Lopez's horse, ride toward the coach.]

Lopez
Zorro, how did you know I would attack the coach?

Zorro
The better question is why would the Alcalde wish to stop his cousin from coming to Los Angeles?

Lopez
He didn't tell me.

[A woman leans her head of the coach door window.]

Woman [shrilly]
This is an outrage!

[She pushes open the door and steps out of the coach.]

Woman [as she beats the driver with her reticule]
You spineless wretch!  You let the bandit do this to me!  Wait until my cousin hears about this!  He'll flog you withing an inch of your miserable life!

[Zorro smiles as he watches the woman's hysterics.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[The woman is still screaming at the driver as the two male passengers, Zorro, and Lopez watch and listen.]

Woman
This is how you protect a defenseless lady?

Man in the Black Suit
Señorita, let the poor man go.

[The woman spins around and shoves the man in the gray suit aside and gets into the other man's face.]

Woman [snarling]
And where were you during the attack?  Hiding under the seat?

Man in the Black Suit
I merely dropped my watch.

Woman
Liar!  You are nothing but a. . .

Zorro [riding up on Toronado, leading Lopez]
Señorita!  I'm glad to see that no one was hurt.

Woman
Zorro!  Seize him!  Somebody!

Zorro
I'm flattered you've heard of me. [He turns to indicate Lopez.] However, this is the man who tried to rob you.  Rest assured, I shall deliver him to justice.

Man in the Black Suit
I thank you, Señor Zorro.  This is a strange place, this California.  Does everyone here wear a mask?

Zorro
No, Señor.

Man in the Black Suit [as he glances at the woman]
What a shame.  I am Honorio Aragon, the concert pianist.

Zorro
The entire pueblo is looking forward to your recital.

Woman [sarcastically]
Imagine that.  An entire pueblo full of deaf people.

Aragon
Madam!

Woman
Call yourself a pianist?  I am the seamstress to the finest maestros in Europe.  Who makes your clothes?  You look like an undertaker.

[The man in the gray suit puts up his hand as he steps forward.]

Man in the Gray Suit
Excuse me, but, Señor Zorro, I am Andres Bellanos and I have come to California to study certain species of. . . [The woman pushes Bellanos from behind.]. . .succulent. . .

Woman
We're not interested in your life's history, Bellanos.  Come to the point.

Bellanos
Oh, ah, all I wanted to know was, about how far is it to Los Angeles?

Zorro
It's about an hour's walk.

Woman [screeching]
Walk!  You expect me to walk?

Zorro
Unless you can fix that wheel, Señorita, it appears you have no choice.

[The woman stares open-mouthed at Zorro.]

Zorro [inclining his head]
Have a pleasant journey, gentlemen.

[He starts to lead Lopez away.]

Woman
I will inform my cousin of your impertinence, you ill-mannered brigand!

[She shakes her fist at Zorro then huffs and puffs.]

[Zorro is leading Lopez down the road.]

Zorro
Lopez, you never would have frightened that woman away.

[Zorro glances over his shoulder and chuckles before urging Toronado into a gallop.]

[Exterior shot of the tavern.  Victoria and Mendoza wait outside with other townspeople.]

Victoria [her arm looped through Mendoza's]
Imagine, Mendoza.  The famous Honorio Aragon will be performing in my tavern.

Mendoza
If he ever gets here.  Why is the stage so late?

Victoria [seeing something to her left]
I think this must be them.

Woman from the Stagecoach [in a disgusted tone]
This is Los Angeles?  What a dingy little hovel.

Aragon
Señorita, the pain in my feet is nothing compared to the pain you've inflicted upon my ears.

Victoria [coming up to them, followed by Mendoza]
Señor Aragon.

[She bows to Bellanos who shakes his head.]

Aragon [in a haughty tone as he points at Bellanos]
Does this man look like a virtuoso of the keyboard?  He's nothing but a botanist.  I am Aragon.

Victoria
And I am honored.

Aragon [shaking Victoria's hand]
And so you should be.

[Mendoza reaches out and shakes Aragon's hand.]

Ramón [off camera at first]
Hermalinda, my dear cousin.

[Hermalinda shoves Aragon aside to confront Ramón.]

Hermalinda [shaking her finger in Ramón's face.]
Don't you dear cousin me.  I was attacked by bandits, forced to walk here under the scorching desert sun, and worst of all, I've had to endure the insults of this. . .piano player!  Well, arrest someone!  For something!

[Ramón just smiles nervously at Hermalinda.]

Aragon [to Victoria]
Señorita, will you please direct me to the tavern.  I'm in need of a soft bed and solitude.

Victoria
I am the innkeeper, Señor and my tavern is right over there.

[She turns and goes to her right.  Aragon starts to follow her, but then turns around and faces Ramón.]

Aragon
I don't know who you are, sir, but if this woman is a relative of your, you have my most profound sympathy.  You coming, Bellanos?

[Hermalinda stares open-mouthed at Ramón as Bellanos follows Aragon to the tavern.]

Ramón
Hermalinda, I'm afraid my duties as alcalde will prevent me from spending as much time with you as I'd like.  [He indicates Mendoza.] This is Sergeant Jaime Mendoza.  He will entertain you. [Mendoza tips his head.]  Your every wish will be his command.

Hermalinda [eyeing Mendoza lasciviously]
Well, Luis, you never told me you had such handsome men in your garrison.

Mendoza
May I lead you to your quarters, Señorita?

Hermalinda [in a breathless voice]
Lead the way, Jaime.

[Mendoza with a forced smile, leads Hermalinda toward the tavern.  Ramón breathes an obvious sigh of relief before heading back to his office.]

[Wide exterior shot of the de la Vega hacienda.]

Don Alejandro [off camera]
We're delighted you've chosen our piano for your recital, Señor Aragon.

[Don Alejandro and Diego are sitting on a settee in the parlor as Aragon sits at their grand piano with Felipe standing at his right shoulder.]

Aragon
Well, the timbre is somewhat thin, but it will have to do.  Have it moved to the tavern so I can rehearse.

Diego [getting up from the settee with some papers in his hand]
If you would, Maestro.  The new Beethoven. [He places the papers on the piano.] It just arrived from Europe.

[Aragon starts playing part of Beethoven's ninth symphony (Ode to Joy).  Felipe leaves the room.]

Aragon [stopping]
No, no, no.  Forgive me.  But I'm playing this piece in my recital tomorrow.  I want to be fresh when I unleash my genius upon it.

[Don Alejandro looks over at Diego.]

Aragon [standing up]
I must say, gentlemen, I'm impressed.  Such fine furnishings. . .and treasures.  Unexpected pleasures in this provincial backwater.

Don Alejandro
What a coincidence.  Señor Bellanos, the botanist, was here earlier, studying my cacti collection.  He said exactly the same thing, sir.

Aragon
Perhaps you gentlemen would care to join me for dinner this evening at the tavern?

Don Alejandro
Well, unfortunately, I have much paperwork to finish tonight.  However, Diego. . .

Diego
It will be my pleasure, Señor.

Aragon
Shall we say eight o'clock?

[Diego nods.  Three loud knocks sound on the front door.]

Diego
That will be Señorita Hermalinda.  Please excuse me.

[He goes to answer the door.]

Aragon
Ah, what is that horrible woman doing here?

Don Alejandro
My son has commissioned some clothes from her.  Her reputation as a seamstress is widespread.

Aragon [drily]
So is the plague.

Hermalinda [walking up to them, followed by Diego]
Buenos dias.

[Don Alejandro gets to his feet.]

Hermalinda [snidely]
Ah, having your piano tuned, are you?

Aragon
Till dinner then, Diego.  I must go before I lose my appetite.

Hermalinda [not waiting until he is gone]
An insufferable man. [She looks around the hacienda.] What beautiful furniture.  And what exquisite silver.  [She picks up a little ornate box and opens its lid.] I must say I never expected to find so rare treasures in this provincial backwater.

[Don Alejandro and Diego look at each other.]

[Exterior shot of the de la Vega hacienda later that evening.]

[Don Alejandro is sitting in the library, reading a book.  He takes a drink of something then sets the glass back down.  He rubs his eyes then leans back in his chair.  He lets his book lay open on his chest as he drifts off.]

[Exterior shot of the tavern at night as a coyote howls.]

[Inside, Victoria is pouring Diego a glass of orange juice.]

Victoria
I'm sorry, Don Diego, but Señor Aragon left about an hour ago.

Diego
Did he leave any message for me?

Victoria [shaking her head]
I'm afraid not.

[Inside the secret cave, Felipe is sweeping the floor.]

[A figure dressed in black enters the de la Vega hacienda via the front door.  The robber sneaks into the library where Don Alejandro is sleeping in his chair.  The robber starts to pick up a bust from one of the shelves and knocks off a book.  The book falls loudly to the floor, stirring Don Alejandro from his sleep.  He picks up his book and clears his throat.  The robber takes something from the bookshelf and hits Don Alejandro on the back of his head with it.  Don Alejandro falls face first onto the floor.  The robber looks down at Don Alejandro then steps over him and goes into the parlor.  The robber takes things as they whistles "Ode to Joy."  Felipe comes through the fireplace panel, sees Don Alejandro on the floor and rushes over to him, kneeling down by his side.  The robber looks over and sees Felipe and their eyes meet.  The robber flees the hacienda.  Felipe rolls Don Alejandro over onto his back as Don Alejandro moans in pain.]

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Wide exterior shot of the de la Vega hacienda at night.]

[Inside the library, Don Alejandro is sitting in a chair as Felipe tends to the back of his head.]

Diego [off camera at first as the front door opens]
Aragon forgot the dinner appointment.

[He stops in his tracks when he sees Don Alejandro and Felipe in the library.]

Diego [with concern as he rushes over]
Father, what happened?  Are you all right?

Don Alejandro [in a monotone]
I'm fine.  We were robbed.

Diego
Well, now, who did this?

Don Alejandro [getting angry]
Well, if I knew who did it, I wouldn't be sitting here like a lump with a. . .Ow!  I'm going to bed.

[He stands up as Felipe and Diego try to help him.]

Don Alejandro
Oh, Diego, your mother's cameo, the one with the gold frame.  They took it.  If I ever get my hands on those people. . .  Ow!

[He puts his hand on the back of his head as he walks away.  Diego looks around the library then Felipe grabs his arm.  Felipe puts his hands on his own chest then points his finger to his ear.]

Diego
You heard something?

[Felipe points to his ear again then mimics taking things.]

Diego
The bandit?

[Felipe nods then points to his mouth then waves his finger like a conductor with a baton as he puckers his mouth.]

Diego
You heard the bandit whistling?  What did he whistle?

[Felipe motions to Diego to follow him and goes over to the piano and points to the sheet music.]

Diego
Beethoven

[Felipe nods.]

Diego
We must find this whistling bandit before he strikes again.

[A wooden box is placed on the tavern's bar by the bandit wearing black gloves.  The bandit is whistling "Ode to Joy" again.  The robber opens the box and takes out a pouch then pulls out another pouch before closing the box's lid.  The robber walks out from behind the bar to where Victoria is tied to a post with her mouth gagged.  The robber shakes their head and puts their finger to where their lips would be under their mask.  Then the robber leaves the tavern.]

[Ramón is lying face down on his desk in his office as the robber takes a pouch and a pocket watch from him while still whistling "Ode to Joy."  The robber gently strokes their hand down Ramón's back before leaving.]

[Exterior shot of the de la Vega hacienda the next morning.]

[Inside Diego is seated at the piano as Felipe stands at his left shoulder.  Diego is writing something onto the sheet music propped up on the piano. Felipe touches Diego's left arm.  Diego looks up at Felipe who shakes his head in confusion.]

Diego [as he continues to write left-handed on the sheet music]
I'm writing a little piece entitled "The Whistling Bandit's Downfall."  We have to make sure Señor Aragon  plays this piece this evening. [He stops writing.] There.  Finished.

[Felipe touches Diego's arm again then mimics playing the piano then shakes his head.]

Diego
Yes, I know.  Aragon's a stubborn man. [He turns around to face Felipe.] But here's how you're going to do it. . .  The thief who robbed my father. . .[Exterior shot of the tavern at night with Diego's voiceover.]. . .is one of three people and I'll wager the whistling bandit will be at the concert tonight.

[Inside the tavern, Victoria walks past the piano as Don Alejandro walks up behind her.]

Don Alejandro [looking past Victoria]
Ah, buenas noches, Señorita Hermalinda, Sergeant Mendoza.

[Don Alejandro and Victoria walk up to Hermalinda and Mendoza who are standing in front of the bar.]

Don Alejandro
By the way, I'm afraid my son sends his regrets.

Hermalinda
He's not coming?  After I made him that beautiful suit?

Victoria
I'm afraid Don Diego has acquired such a disliking for Aragon after he failed to show for their dinner engagement the other evening.  Don Diego can be very moody.

Don Alejandro
Yes, and speaking of moody, where is the Alcalde?

Mendoza
Oh, he's been searching high and low for the whistling bandit.  He's like a man possessed.  He lost his gold watch and four hundred pesos.

Hermalinda [sounding very sure]
Luis will never find him, of course.

Don Alejandro [as his voice gets louder and angrier as he speaks]
Yes, well, if I ever get my hands on the rogue, he'll be whistling a different tune.  He stole some of my prized possessions. . .

[Victoria grabs Don Alejandro by the hand then the arm and smiles up at him.]

Victoria
The recital's about to start.

[Don Alejandro calms down as Victoria walks away and he starts to follow her.]

Don Alejandro [pausing]
Ah, Señor.

[Bellanos comes up to Don Alejandro and they shake hands.]

Hermalinda [turning to Mendoza and speaking in a breathy voice]
Our last night together, Jaime.  Let us make the most of it.  Let's live dangerously.

Mendoza [smiling nervously]
If you say so, Señorita.  Tonight, after the performance, let's have extra chili on our burritos.

[He leads Hermalinda away.  Her expression is one of confusion.]

[Aragon walks down the stairs, carrying his sheet music as the audience claps.  Felipe carries a stool over to the piano for Aragon to sit on as Aragon bows to the people.  He sits down on the stool and it collapses.  Aragon lands on the floor as does his sheet music.  Mendoza rushes over to help.  Felipe pulls the doctored sheet music from the back of his pants and goes over to help too.  Hermalinda laughs meanly.  Mendoza takes away the broken stool and brings over a padded bench as Felipe helps Aragon pick up and arrange the sheet music.  Mendoza sits back down between Hermalinda and Don Alejandro as Felipe sits down next to Victoria.]

[Aragon cautiously sits down on the bench then starts playing Beethoven's ninth symphony ("Ode to Joy").  As he plays, Hermalinda nods her head along with the music.  Then the tempo of the music changes and Hermalinda frowns and shakes her head.]

Hermalinda [getting to her feet]
Stop!

[Aragon hits a bad note then stops playing.  He stands up and turns around to face Hermalinda with a very angry expression on his face.]

Aragon [walking up to Hermalinda]
Remove yourself, you unhinged woman!

Hermalinda
This is not Beethoven's ninth symphony.

Aragon
And pray, how would you know?  A common seamstress.

Hermalinda
Because I was making a suit for Ludwig when he wrote that piece. I know every note by heart.

[Aragon laughs disparagingly at her.]

Zorro [from the balcony]
And what a lovely melody it is.

[People stand up and turn around to look up at Zorro.]

Voices
Zorro!

Hermalinda [at the top of her lungs]
LUIS!

[Ramón is sitting at his desk, writing when he hears Hermalinda bellow.  He gets a worried look on his face.]

[Zorro jumps from the balcony and grabs onto the chandelier.  He lands in front of Hermalinda.]

Zorro
Señorita, must you always be so loud?

[He walks over to Victoria and takes her hand.]

Zorro
Your beauty possesses a harmony that not even Beethoven could surpass.

[Zorro kisses Victoria's hand as she stares up at him.]

Hermalinda [sarcastically]
I assume you came here to do more than whisper sweet nothings to the waitress.

[Victoria starts to say something but Zorro puts up his hand to stop her.]

Zorro [turning around to face Hermalinda]
I did indeed.  I came to reveal the identity of the whistling bandit.

[The tavern door opens and Ramón rushes in.]

Ramón
Hermalinda!  I heard you . . .I. . . Zorro!

[He turns and sticks his head back out the door.]

Ramón
Lancers!

Zorro [shaking his head]
What a noisy family.

Ramón [running up to Zorro]
Mendoza, why didn't you arrest this man?

[Ramón starts to unsheathe his sword.]

Mendoza [excitedly]
Zorro was just going to reveal the identity of the whistling bandit.

Ramón [looking over at Mendoza]
He was?

Zorro
Yes, Alcalde.  You see, Beethoven completed his ninth symphony only six months ago.  And since the bandit had been audaciously whistling that very tune, it stands to reason he most recently arrived from Europe.  Which leaves me with three suspects. [Everyone starts staring suspiciously at the three newcomers.] But only the bandit would know I secretly changed a page of the score. [He looks over at Hermalinda.] You, Señorita.

Ramón
Hermalinda is a thief?  Preposterous! [He goes over and stands in front of Hermalinda.] You're trying to discredit my family.

[He points at Zorro.]

Ramón
Attack him!

[A lancer runs at Zorro.  Zorro sidesteps the lancer and the lancer ends up inside the piano.  Zorro shuts the lid on him.]

Zorro [to either Don Alejandro or Aragon]
Forgive me, Señor, but I believe it will need retuning.

[Zorro then picks up a chair and uses it to push back three lancers who are coming at him, driving them almost out of the tavern.  Ramón unsheathes his sword, then Zorro unsheathes his and salutes.  Ramón lunges at Zorro.  Zorro parries.  After a brief battle, Ramón is disarmed.  Zorro spins around to deal with Mendoza who is advancing on him with his unsheathed sword.  Zorro runs up the stairs, Mendoza follows.  About half way up, Mendoza realizes Zorro is no longer in front of him and stops.  Zorro drops down behind Mendoza and slashes a ‘Z' near the bottom of Mendoza's jacket.  Mendoza turns around and waves his sword menacingly at Zorro.  Zorro disarms him with one swipe then slashes a ‘Z' on the front of Mendoza's uniform.  Zorro leaves the stairs.  Mendoza looks down at the ‘Z' on his chests then over his shoulder at the one on his behind.]

[Zorro jumps down to the bottom stair and grabs Ramón, who is dazed and sitting in a chair.]

Zorro [dragging Ramón across the room]
I don't wish to outwear my welcome, Alcalde, but before I leave, I must compliment your cousin on her new gown.  May I say she fills it out quite remarkably?

[He slashes with his sword at something on her dress and a cache of jewelry falls to the floor.]

Zorro
I think you'll find the rest hidden in her luggage in her room.

Ramón [shocked and appalled]
Cousin!

Bellanos [putting his hand on Hermalinda's shoulder]
I hereby take this woman into custody in the name of the King!

[He reaches into his jacket and holds up a piece of paper.]

Victoria
But you are just a botanist.

Bellanos
No, I'm here on the trail of this woman whom we suspected of robbing and whistling her way across Europe.  [He turns to Zorro.] Muchas gracias, Señor.

[Zorro nods.]

Bellanos
I could use a man like you back in Madrid.

Ramón
He's not going anywhere!  He's under arrest!

Bellanos
As a representative of King Ferdinand's royal constabulary, I believe I outrank you, Alcalde.

[Ramón looks at Zorro and seethes.  Bellanos grabs Hermalinda's wrist but she shakes it off and he follows her out of the room.  Aragon is playing "Ode to Joy" as Mendoza looks relieved.  Zorro walks over to Aragon and pats him on the back.]

Zorro
Such an arresting melody.

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*****

[Exterior shot of the plaza as two men walk up to the tavern, dusting themselves off.  Felipe walks out of the tavern, followed by Aragon and Diego.]

Aragon
On my way back to the ship, I think I shall compose something to celebrate my visit to California.

Diego
We would be honored.

[He and Aragon shake hands.]

Aragon
I shall be traveling alone, in the open desert, the clear blue sky to inspire me. [He turns to Diego.] It will be a masterpiece.

[Diego nods then Aragon gets into the coach.]

Ramón [off camera at first]
Hold that coach!

[He comes running up to the stagecoach.  Aragon comes back out of the coach, looking concerned.  Bellanos, Hermalinda, and Mendoza step into view.]

Bellanos
Señor Aragon, we will be traveling back to Spain with you.

Aragon
Oh, no.

[He ducks back inside the coach.]

Ramón [sarcastically]
Well, dear cousin, I trust it will be quite some time before I'll be seeing you again.

Bellanos
Five years, I would think.

Ramón [smiling]
Excellent.

Hermalinda
Luis, you were an unpleasant little boy and you're even a more obnoxious little man. [She turns to Mendoza and her face and tone soften.] Five years is not long to wait, Jaime.  Promise me you won't forget me.

Mendoza
Never, Señorita.  I assure you.

[Bellanos goes over to open the coach door but Hermalinda slaps his hand down.  Then she and Bellanos climb in the stagecoach.]

Hermalinda [to Aragon]
Well, piano player, merged any good composers lately?

[The stagecoach pulls away, leaving Mendoza, Ramón, Diego, and Felipe watching it leave town.]

Mendoza and Ramón [in unison]
Thank goodness, she's gone.

[They look at each other then walk toward the cuartel.  Diego chuckles.  Felipe starts whistling "Ode to Joy", which causes Diego to turn and stare at him.  Felipe stops whistling when he notices Diego staring at him.]

Diego
You've learned to whistle. [He touches Felipe's arm.] Excellent, Felipe.

[Felipe smiles.]

Diego [with a grimace]
Please learn some other tune.

[They both smile and head back inside the tavern.]

*****END OF EPISODE*****

Transcribed by Pamela Elbert Poland   20 & 21 October 2006

This transcription is a not-for-profit publication produced solely for the enjoyment of other Zorro fans and is not intended to infringe upon any rights of Goodman/Rosen Productions, New World Television, Zorro Productions, the estate of Johnston McCulley or anyone else.

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